So you think you can do better than this letter, huh?

Before you adios, consider:

If you’d stick around to watch me shave my ass and call it Frank,

PUSH 1 on your phone’s keypad.
(And turn up your volume. You’ll want to hear the BEEP.)

If you’d stay to see me fling myself off the cliff of my own existence
into an alternate universe of marshmallow softness,
PUSH 2.

To return to reality (mine or yours),
PUSH 42.

If your answer is “D) None of the above,” then…

…Alright, alright!
Adios, Chumps.

PUSH ze button: